Scratching the Surface: Compassion vs Criticism

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Recently, I started an online course called Self-Compassion with Kristen Neff and Brene Brown”. I watched a Ted talk with Brene Brown and heard about an online academy she was developing called “courage works” a while back. When a friend mentioned the self-compassion course on Facebook, I knew I needed to check it out. The idea of having a self compassion habit/ practice is something foreign to me.  I spent much of my life being self-critical, not self-compassionate. I used harsh self-judgement as a way to motivate myself to be better, work harder, and achieve more. I achieved some measured success in my academic and professional careers but I wasn’t happy. And it really confused me. I “should” be happy but I just wasn’t. Back then, I did a terrible job of taking care of myself. I’d skip meals, work through lunch, and hardly drink water. I was an exhausted, dehydrated, and hungry stress ball. I put so many things and people ahead of my needs: work, boyfriends, friendships, family stuff. After a while that kind of lifestyle started to take its toll. Something had to give.

In a few short years, I have made a lot of changes, my quality of life has dramatically improved and I learn more about myself and the life I want to live every day.  Cue the self compassion course. So, if anyone feels or has felt resistance to the concepts of self-care, self-love, and self-compassion, it’s this girl right here.  It used to sound so self-indulgent to me. But here’s the thing, at some point I had to ask myself if what I was putting myself through was really worth it.  Self-judgement and Self-criticism had gotten me far but it also cost me a lot.  What I find SO GREAT about this course is that it is grounded in scientific evidence.  I mean it’s great to love yourself and be kind to yourself just for the sake of it, but what if you learned that shifting your relationship with yourself in this way also made you more likely to succeed in any and all areas of your life?  Based on what I have been learning, that is precisely the case.  Talk about an “A-Ha Moment”.  How many people feel guilty when they make a mistake?  I know I do.  Our errors and mistakes shatter our notions of perfection.  So often when we face our imperfection, we crumble.  I used to think that guilt was a valuable teacher; a necessary part of learning and growth was that you felt like complete shit at times.  The evidence presented in the course and in Kristen Neff’s book, “Self Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself”, reveals that the complete opposite is true.  When we treat ourselves harshly, when we scold ourselves for not getting it right every time, we actually inhibit our capacity and potential for growth and success.

The Dare: List the ways you are critical and judgmental of yourself.  How do you find self-criticism to be helpful in your life?  How would you feel if you let go of all your judgements of yourself?  What would your life look if you were more compassionate towards yourself? This can be a very challenging exercise.  Take your time and be honest.  And most importantly, try being kind to yourself.

 

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3 thoughts on “Scratching the Surface: Compassion vs Criticism

  1. V

    Beautifully written Casey. I’m so happy that you have been expressing yourself more. Thank you for sharing some of what you have been learning. 🙏-V

  2. Omar Gonzalez

    I got the chills! Thank you for sharing your struggles and accomplishments. I guess we could all be harsh on ourselves when not reaching the level of perfectionism we have in mind, and I like the thought of growing through kindness rather than criticism. Thanks for your insight =]

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